sometimes misunderstood u,
sometimes scolded u,
sometimes learnt from u,
sometimes praised u,
sometimes laughed at u,
but i in anycase wanted u as my friend
so plz do not betray me and do keep in touch. send 
without u my friend,
the days of the week are... sadday... mournday... tearsday... wasteday... thirstday... frightday... and... shatterday...
thanks 4 being my friend...
keep smiling..

I was cleaning my room, trying to see what old or useless stuffs which I can get rid of from my room yesterday, when out of nowhere, I came across my old personal diary which I've put aside for quite sometime - hidden in some secret place, hoping that nobody will find it. I've actually forgotten about it, until I my eyes set upon it. Ahh..there it is. Flipping page by page, recollecting memories. Some made me giggle once more, while others are saddenning. I learnt that I pour out my feelings deep within me more naturally when I doddle in my personal diary, probably because I feel safe nobody is watching. Most of the entries are about the people I encounter, how I feel about them and occasions or happennings. While in this public online blog of mine, I felt the hindrance in expressing myself, some of which I don't dare to publish in here for fear that some homosapiens would critisize or so. *shrugs* I don't feel the openess in myself, yet, I want to be open..Perhaps, I should integrate both diaries into one. Yesterday, I began writing in my personal diary again. Here's portion of it. My little finger holding a ball pen scribbled this:

It's a Sunday, but I'm all at home. Today, I craved for the flossy bread from Bread Story. Don't ask me why, I just feel like it. I'm loving it~ Nothing much to blog about since I've been inactive the whole day. Chatted with Ah Kee over the msn msgger. It seems like I've been talking to him a lot. He's a great friend. Brought up the issue about outsiders hijacking Pgkia thread in the forum again. Talked my heart out - about how I feel and stuff like that. I feel sad. Really hate it. What immediately registered in my brain is that my friend(s) is losing trust in me. They didn't trust me although I can safely say that I didn't say anything bad about them. Nothing close to that as well. It's a sad sad feeling when nobody trust you. Aih.. What's more, I'm the kind of person who cherish friendship a lot- regardless of how long the friendship is, be it one day, one month, one year or forever. You know it, if you know me well enough. I've cried over failed friendships and I don't wish to go through the same kind of crisis again. It's heart-breaking. All the while, from the very beginning, I didn't intend to harm anyone nor did I intend to spark fire among any of the forummers. Very obvious, there are misundersandings. They don't understand. Not just them. I don't understand either. I don't understand why is this all hapenning. I want to cry. Yes, I'm emotional. All I want to say is that I love ALL my friends. Pgkia forummers have that close family ties among them, which I feel is something valuable. Nice peeps whom I would confidently claim as true friends. Those from other threads are as great as well. I meet lots of good, friendly cyber friends. I don't say this because they are sweet-talking to me or something else okie? It's from the bottom of my heart. I don't want to wreck any havoc, I don't want to hurt anyone in any way, I don't want to offend anyone & that is why I'm standing on the fence, being neutral. That's all. I'm here to have fun and not the other way round. I'm still in the state of recovering from some stupid incident earlier on and now this kind of thingy emerges. Wtf. Leave me alone. I just want to be me, myself and I. I know that I can't stop anyone from thinking bad about me, I would be emotionally down when it happens, but, Lynn, you gotta learn how to adapt. Like I've always said, life isn't js a bed of roses. In fact, it's like a pile of shit - Eww..disgusting. I'm frustrated! Arhh.. Big sigh for the day, man.


btw, guessing game sucks big time. I wish I could read what others are thinking.

bad me me

1. I'm afraid of crocroaches
2. I'm afraid of height and dark.
3. I'm not confident enough to be strong.
4. I would slack and become slumber at times and take things for granted =x
5. I'm stubborn.
6. I'm a slow learner.
7. I'm not leading a healthy lifestyle ..tying hard to change..
8. I'm an extravagence.. I'm trying to control though
9. I talk a lot
10. I argue =x
11. I lied before
12. I am playful
13. I feel sleepy when there's work, Im wide awake when It's time to play
14. I curse when I'm angry
15. I sometimes do stupid actions
16. I'm pessimistic at times
17. I thought of committing suicide before
18. I'm a sore loser in studies during my high school years
19. I'm not a very good organizer
20. I'm afraid of animals and I hate cats in particular (coz cats chase after me up the staircase before!! can u believe that???)
21. I'm sensitive about what people thought of me
22. I'm bad at art
23. I'm a last minute person =x
24. I'm dark already :(
25. I pig alot
26. I'm hot tempered when im having pms
27. I annoy people when im bored =x Forgive me
28. I don't really know how to persuade ppl
29. I don't make matured decisions at times
30. I have big butt!! :(

good me me

1. I smile 95% of the time
2. I laugh at people's joke
3. I'm friendly and cheerful :D
4. I always try to carry out my job well
5. I'm a good listener
6. I love my friends and family to the maximum
7. I'm not proud
8. I remember my friends and family
9. I'm daring
10. It's difficult to change my mind after I've decided on some decision
11. I'm not too kind
12. I love reading (certain kind of books)
13. I'm independent
14. I'm outgoing. I'm an extrovert
15. I talk to everyone and anyone

Today's my big day.. Coz 18th of September 2005 marks the celebration of the Lantern / Mooncake festival. Rhymes with my nick in icq - Lantern__Gal hehe.. Many people actually asked me why did I choose Lantern__Gal as my nick. Well, I don't know. But I love lanterns a lot. It seems like I got happy looking at them. Even better if I got the chance to play with it. Lighting the candles all over is like lighting up the whole world. They look beautiful. Maybe that's why I love lanterns.

Woke up this morning with a sore shoulder. Maybe it's because of my luggage weight which gave full force on my right shoulder yesterday.. So, have you had your piece of mooncake this time round? I've had 2- one with the pure lotus flavour and the other pandan flavoured. Though it's the time of the year, but I'm not really celebrating it. Not going to play with any lanterns as well. I'm all at home...

I set the alarm clock to 8am, but before it even rings, I'm already awaken by my body alarm. I strained my eyes looking at the clock beside me to realize that it's only 7.30am. Had a dream - a dream where I was placed in an unknown, unfamiliar place full of strangers. I was scared and lonely in there. It reflects the situation I am in now, I guess. Whatever.. forget it. So, I crawled out from my comfy mattress, dragged myself to clean up, then proceeded to have my last minute packing and checking if I've left out anything. It's the day I'm going back to Penang, js in case any of you do not know. Hmph.. wrote a goodbye note to my lovely housemates and there I go. I was still kinda blur when I was out at the street. Lots of things were in my head, but seriously if you were to ask me wat, I can't remember. All i know was that I crossed the road without even bothering about the traffic ahead and was nearly knocked down by an oncoming car. It stopped just in time. Don't worry, I'm still here safe and sound. Nothing big happenned. Reached The ever-so-crowded-and-busy place, Pudu at around 10am, but had to wait as the bus will only leave at 10.30am. Zooommed.. past the lush greeneries, I saw Hilton, etc etc. Sampai BM and dad came and fetch me back to my habitat. Yea.. my new (old) habitat to begin my new life once again.

Beloved kor brought us all out for makan. I drove them there. wahahha.. using my dad's manual car :D Geee.. I'm glad they didn't suffer any trauma. kakka Anyway, we had satay, char kuey teow, loh bak etc etc. Mum told me that I better watch my weight and go jogging sometime. haha.. She's constantly watching me and my brother's weight. She hates to see someone put on weight in the family. Went to Pacific megamall to run some errant. Bought grocerries and stuff. Then got myself the network cable. Kor helped me to configure the settings and stuff, but I guess Windows ME OS in my laptop is js dumb, or is it my laptop. Nobody is using Windows ME  anymore. It can't detect the LAN and just won't connect. Dumb arse. A friend called, spent a lil time chatting over the phone. Bathed and threw myself to my bed, surrounded by tones of pillows and piggy bear bear :D

How did I feel? Hmpp.. difficult question and there's no answer to it. I don't know. Mixed feelings I guess- sad to leave, but happy because it's the beginning of my holidays. Yea.. self declared holidays, since I planned to rest and hibernate for at least 2 weeks =x Nothing much happenned before noon. Normal, as we all carry out our job as usual. As lunch time approached, my manager called out to ask how am I feeling. I was like ___ (blank)  haha. I didn't know how and what to answer, so I blurted out  "Okie..good!", showing him both my thumbs up and laughed. Went makan, came back and had an assessment session with my manager and bla bla bla.. In one scene, Satish, our network administrator was in our department. So, I was teasing him and stuff when one of the new trainer (his name is Ken) walked in. (Btw, he's young & CUTE =X ..) And guess what Satish did to me. He eye-signalled me. When I ignored and put him off, he actually nudged Ken and say out loud that I wanted to know him. My gawd.. I was so embarassed, trying to keep my head as low as possible as I have no where to run away to. Luckily, it's my last day over there or I'll have a hard time facing him the next time I meet him. Shiaaat.. Immediately after that, the musical bell was heard, indicating that it's after work time. Went thanking my manager and others for their guidance and so on.. Happy but sad day for me. DOn't know what else to say.

Back at home, Ivy, my cute cute housemate was the only one in the house. I had a good laugh listening to her talking over the phone. She was having a hard time rejecting a guy. I wasn't eavesdropping okie. Her phone was set to be in the mic mode and I hear whatever the guy said as well. LOL. The way she rejected him was so cute. I can't help laughing. She even complained to me. I have nothing to say and no comment. haha

My good friend aka colleague VJ kept disturbing me the whole week, saying that he'll miss disturbing me after i leave..haha..Maybe he'll miss my LOUD voice instead. and he said that he'll make sure that the one who's going to replace me will make good coffee..as good as mine.. for him everyday. BTW, i make BAD coffee. lol He's like a brother to me. You probably haven't meet him before. Let me describe him a little. Well, he's extremely tall and super skinny, with small skull =x talkative like me, kind, and gives great advices and stuff. And not to forget, FUNNY - er..I mean humourous, coz he makes me laugh most of the time, if not all the time :D Basically, an exceptionally nice person! Okie.. Nice is very vague, maybe I should say .. admirable, considerate, pleasant, angelic! Yup. I'm having peace typing this coz he's not around today.. God bless me. hahha Nah, just joking. I am and will be bored without him here coz he's the one I'm closest with in the office :D I'm glad working with him. I adapt almost immediately here in my workplace, thanks to him as well. Thank you :)

Had been talking a lot lately, back to myself which is a good thing. I live to talk i guess..haha..and I'm loud *blush* But that's my 'signature', you see. That's what makes the insignificant EveLynn with the surname Ho :D hahha.. Both Sherny and I are loud. Correction: not only both of us, but Convent girls, Convent Bkt Mertajam (CBM) in particular. hehe =x It's hard to deny that fact.

VJ played a game with Milla and I. I was thinking was the heck he wants to do when he asked me to take out 3 pieces of blank paper. Then, he resumed by writing down some words which reads "Describe VJ in one word".. and "Descrive Evy in one word" .. and "Describe Milla in one word" hahha.. I thought this  is fun. Let me see.. This is what they wrote about me in a flash:

Milla said:
1) Very loud (remind her to lower her volume) <-- er..okie i admit i am =x
2) Not shy <---- wondering if she's referring to something bad or good haha
3) Like to Lowyat a LOT!! <----- LOL.. shhh... even my boss knows, i think coz She would say loudly (purposely) to me ' Evy, lowyat ar?' in the office when my boss is around.hehhe
.. Anyway, we all love you <-- aww..so sweet of you

VJ said:
1) innocently innocent <--- wah..true true.. =x
2) a naughty angel and.. <--- im notty?? issit??? but at least he said that im an angel *blush*
3) a sour puss at times (bad days) <-- =(

Notice the word one  in the instructions?? Seems like they broke the rule..their one word turned out to be so many words. haha

Joined my colleagues for tea Asshifa mamak tang after work. Had fun laughing our arse off. In one scene, Tammy was thrown with a weird question: What name would you give to Britney Spears's baby?
Gawd, she did come out with a perfect answer for i: "I don't know. I'm not a big fan of her. But, to be a little nasty, let's name her/him Britney Sperms."

We all laugh out loud like nobody's business. Gawd.. She must be funny.